First - CPE ... what can I say. Doctor Keller (our BYU adviser) joked that it stood for crucified practically everyday. Now I know why. CPE has you spend a minimum of 10 hours a week in hospital or the like actually ministering to people every week, plus you need to have 400 total hours of CPE studies per semester. This isn't to hard to do with our masters program. I find I'm tracking well over 40 hours a week in studies for school, which count toward the 400, since all of my schooling fits right into the CPE program. For those who do CPE outside of school, I think it amounts to about 30 hours a week in order to get the hours you need. CPE meets once a week and 3 or 4 or the CPE students then present a 'verbatim.' A verbatim is supposed to be a conversation you had with a patient as close to word for word as possible. Pseudonyms are used to protect the patient, but it's not really about the patient. Neither is it so much about the technique or abilities you have and use. It's really about you, and who you really are. The group takes an hour to dissect the verbatim, and asks questions about why you didn't ask this question. Or why you reacted the way you did. You are forced to dissect your own inner workings on a level wholly impossible by yourself. I thought I was introspective before, but I've been able to learn more about myself, and why I am the why I am in this semester, than the rest of my life combined. It is an absolutely harrowing experience, but I recommend it to everyone. I've had pretty much all of my self image destroyed, and it has allowed me to be a much greater person, and a greater chaplain for sure. I feel like I've been liberated to once again not care about myself, or what they might think of me, or how I might impress them or make them like me. A feeling I've only ever really felt on my mission. It is fantastically liberating. There are some slightly larger assignments for mid-term and end of term that are a little bit stressful, but other than that every week you turn in a verbatim, a short (2 pages) reflection of how you're doing, what you're reading, and how it's helping you to be a better chaplain, and a stat sheet of how many people you've ministered to and how many hours you've put in that week. It's not the homework or the hours at the hospital that are hard, though. It's the new, deeper level of introspection.
Speaking of hospital. I had an interesting thought come to me when I was walking down the halls of the hospital. I got the feeling that it was a sacred place, much like the feeling you'd get in a chapel, or on a mountain top. It stopped me in my tracks. I couldn't help but wonder what why. What made a hospital sacred? The first thought that popped into my mind was - oh, well there healing people here. My logic retorted - but that's not miracle that's science. The reply thought was, does that change that it's a miracle. I had to think about it, but the answer came. No. No it did not. Who gave the doctors the technology and the instruments they have today? God did. Who allowed medicines to be constructed that can cure so many ills? Again, the answer is God. Who allowed that doctor to not only go to medical school, but pass it, and remember all those things they were taught? It was God. I can't think of how many times I've heard, why have the days of miracles ceased, or why are there so few miracles now compared to then. Quite simply, there's not. The problem is that we don't recognize them. The next time you have that thought, put yourself back 2000 years, and think, what would someone from Christ's time say about flight, or modern medicine? What would they say about cars, radios, and big screen TVs? Wouldn't they call it a miracle? Indeed I think they would ask why we got to live in a time with so many miracles, while they had to do with only the occasional healing, or parting of a sea or river. Just chew on that.
