A Sacred Place

First - CPE ... what can I say. Doctor Keller (our BYU adviser) joked that it stood for crucified practically everyday. Now I know why. CPE has you spend a minimum of 10 hours a week in hospital or the like actually ministering to people every week, plus you need to have 400 total hours of CPE studies per semester. This isn't to hard to do with our masters program. I find I'm tracking well over 40 hours a week in studies for school, which count toward the 400, since all of my schooling fits right into the CPE program. For those who do CPE outside of school, I think it amounts to about 30 hours a week in order to get the hours you need. CPE meets once a week and 3 or 4 or the CPE students then present a 'verbatim.' A verbatim is supposed to be a conversation you had with a patient as close to word for word as possible. Pseudonyms are used to protect the patient, but it's not really about the patient. Neither is it so much about the technique or abilities you have and use. It's really about you, and who you really are. The group takes an hour to dissect the verbatim, and asks questions about why you didn't ask this question. Or why you reacted the way you did. You are forced to dissect your own inner workings on a level wholly impossible by yourself. I thought I was introspective before, but I've been able to learn more about myself, and why I am the why I am in this semester, than the rest of my life combined. It is an absolutely harrowing experience, but I recommend it to everyone. I've had pretty much all of my self image destroyed, and it has allowed me to be a much greater person, and a greater chaplain for sure. I feel like I've been liberated to once again not care about myself, or what they might think of me, or how I might impress them or make them like me. A feeling I've only ever really felt on my mission. It is fantastically liberating. There are some slightly larger assignments for mid-term and end of term that are a little bit stressful, but other than that every week you turn in a verbatim, a short (2 pages) reflection of how you're doing, what you're reading, and how it's helping you to be a better chaplain, and a stat sheet of how many people you've ministered to and how many hours you've put in that week.  It's not the homework or the hours at the hospital that are hard, though. It's the new, deeper level of introspection.

Speaking of hospital. I had an interesting thought come to me when I was walking down the halls of the hospital. I got the feeling that it was a sacred place, much like the feeling you'd get in a chapel, or on a mountain top. It stopped me in my tracks. I couldn't help but wonder what why. What made a hospital sacred? The first thought that popped into my mind was - oh, well there healing people here. My logic retorted - but that's not miracle that's science. The reply thought was, does that change that it's a miracle. I had to think about it, but the answer came. No. No it did not. Who gave the doctors the technology and the instruments they have today? God did. Who allowed medicines to be constructed that can cure so many ills? Again, the answer is God. Who allowed that doctor to not only go to medical school, but pass it, and remember all those things they were taught? It was God. I can't think of how many times I've heard, why have the days of miracles ceased, or why are there so few miracles now compared to then. Quite simply, there's not. The problem is that we don't recognize them. The next time you have that thought, put yourself back 2000 years, and think, what would someone from Christ's time say about flight, or modern medicine? What would they say about cars, radios, and big screen TVs? Wouldn't they call it a miracle? Indeed I think they would ask why we got to live in a time with so many miracles, while they had to do with only the occasional healing, or parting of a sea or river. Just chew on that.

Chaplain Candidate

   It's official. I am a chaplain candidate of the United States Navy (Reserve). What this means - honestly not a whole lot. Although I can now wear the uniform when occasion calls for it, I can't be called to active duty until I have finished my masters program, and even then I think I still have other paperwork to do. I believe the term I heard used was non-deployable asset. My papers went before the board in November sometime, and I heard back from the recruiters the first couple days of December. On Dec 14th at about 1500 (after another good hour of paperwork) I was sworn in as an Ensign. They gave me a certificate, and I went straight back to working on a final project.
   I've finished another semester, this one was harder than the last. One of the other candidates totaled our writing at about 125 pages, and I don't even want to know how many pages we read. I feel like I'm being bludgeoned over the head with knowledge. I don't know what my grades will be but I'm expecting somewhere around a 3.5 g.p.a. Next semester I'll be starting CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education). CPE has nothing to do with the military itself. There are chaplain jobs at hospitals, prisons, universities, large businesses, and pretty much anywhere pluralistic environment needs to be managed.CPE is a one year course with a weekly class and a minimum number of hours spent volunteering as a chaplain at a hospital. If you were really smart you would find a CPE program to go through before you start your masters program, and get it done before. Most programs require only one quarter, and give you 6 credits for it. Finishing the whole course will make you a better chaplain though, so if you can, I would recommend doing all of it. I'm going to try and get through all four quarters while in the masters program, which will be a lot of work, and require some special concessions from the supervising chaplain.
   As for life - I have a new son. Brought into this world just before 1100 on 17th of November. He gave me an early start into thanksgiving break. I know this blog is supposed to be about the journey to becoming a chaplain. Having a family is definitely part of that journey. The next time you get a chance, hold a newborn baby in your arms, with no distractions around you. Feel their little presence, straight from God. I dare you to find any place that is closer to heaven and God's footstool. You can feel Him, and His love radiating in the new life that he has entrusted to your arms. You can feel your own insignificance, and that, in spite of your insignificance, He loves you just as much as He loves that child. It's a lot to take in. For those of you who are to become chaplains ... engrave that love on your souls. It is the love that God has for each of his children, and that you will be responsible for relaying. It may be to one lone sailor on the deck of ship, or to thousands of Marines in a large battalion.

Brothers in Christ

   I'm now a month into the second semester of the BYU Chaplaincy masters programs. First, an update as far as things military are going. I went through MEPS (Medical Pre-screening) a few weeks ago. Not so bad. It's basically an amalgamation of every check-up you've ever gotten. They check your vision, hearing, do a written health check akin to one you've already filled out, do a physical, check your urine, and other things like that. There's no running, sit-ups, or push-ups. They check your flexibility, but there's nothing physically strenuous. Just a lot of waiting in line for one check-up, then waiting in line for the next. I've got all of my paperwork done that I need to do. I'm waiting on one letter of reference, and then I'll just be waiting for the board. From what I understand as soon as the board approves I'll be able to go to an officer and actually do the deed; pick an officer I know and have them swear me in.

   In other news, this week is the 180th general conference, as well as my second LDS Chaplains conference. Every October conference they also have a conference for all LDS Chaplains. Friday before conference, we have an evening meeting with 'heavy hors d'oeuvres.' There is a speaker (about an hour), but it seems like the main purpose is to allow all the chaplains to catch up with each other, and see how all the other chaplains are doing. They give us tickets to all five session of conference, which occupies Saturday, and Sunday, then Monday and Tuesday will be a series of seminars from 8-5 in the church office building and conference center. Last year the Army Chief of Chaplains was among the speakers. This year we'll have Elder L Tom Perry and RADM Mark L. Tidd, Chief of Navy Chaplains. The whole experience is a spiritual feast, with the unfortunate risk of having so many great spiritual entrèes that you can't handle of it. 

   I titled my post Brothers in Christ because in one session of conference, when some of the other chaplain candidates in my cohort sat directly behind me in stead of scooting all the way to the end they were asked if they were family. Ryan Lewis jokingly said, "We're brothers in Christ, does that count?" I started thinking about the friendship and bond that has grown between us these past few months and I think his title for us is probably the best one. I happened to have my journal with me at the time, and I wrote down the following.

I was thinking about my fellow chaplains in school. We're not technically chaplains yet, but we are already brothers in Christ's gospel. It's interesting and amazing that we have already developed such a powerful bond. I can feel for each of them, and feel their love and support in return. I can think of no better term for it than brothers in Christ. How blessed am I.

 I am on a long and arduous journey, but I am not alone. I have my Lord, my family, and my brothers in Christ.

Genesis

   Today (or I guess yesterday since we're past midnight) a member of the seventy asked us to keep record of all that we do as chaplains so that our history can be cataloged for future generations. I can't remember his name (names have never been my strong point), but I felt the truth of it, so here I begin my chronicle.
   For me the journey began during priesthood session of general conference a few years back. I don't remember exactly which one, but it was well before I was married(2007). Something one of the speakers said reminded me of a question that had been on my mind for some time; what should I do with my life? There came into my mind a resounding that that I needed to try and be a seminary teacher. The thing that bothered me a little was the word try, which almost implied that I was going to fail. Nevertheless I began the process of becoming a seminary teacher. My wife, being the more spiritual of the two of us knew that something was wrong before I did. All through my final months of training she kept asking me if I was sure that this is what I wanted to do. After a semester of student teaching I finally realized this myself, and began the search anew.
   College seemed like the place to be with the waning economy, but we had no way to pay for it. That brought in the idea of the military service. We looked at several branches and compared army/navy/reserves, etc., and the idea of being a chaplain got thrown in the mix too. The real change happened on the way home from by brother-in-law's graduation from MCRD San Diego. There was a car overturned on the side of the road, and in our caravan we had an EMT, police officer, MD, and a marine (he directed traffic). We stayed there until the ambulance arrived. While the rest were doing what they could my wife and I got out and helped pick up the papers that were scattered across the side of the highway. I felt an overpowering desire to help, and not just here and her daughter, but everyone I possibly could. Somehow, in  that moment, I knew the way that I could help best was to be a chaplain. At a chaplain conference (held annually in conjunction with LDS general conference) about a year later, my wife and I both felt prompted that we were to join the Navy.
   The process of getting here is quite a bit of paperwork and time. The first step is to get in touch with military relations at the church office building. To even be considered you have to have an ecclesiastical endorsement from your bishop, stake president, a member of the seventy, and the military relations division of the church. Once you've been endorsed you then have to get accepted into a masters of religion program somewhere. While it's possible to go to any divinity school and earn a masters, we chose BYU because of the scholarship opportunities and the benefit of being educated by those of your own faith. Once accepted you can then start all of the paperwork. You need a complete background check, so just about everything you've done and everywhere you've been for the last 7 years. You'll need to get references, peer reviews, interviews, health papers, etc. If all were to go perfectly and you had all of your paperwork down lickety split you'd be lucky to get it done in three or four months. As it is, near the end of my first semester of college I'm still a couple months from officially being in as a chaplain candidate. Then it will be two years of school, the officer version of basic training, and chaplain schools (6 weeks, like AIT). Then if the board accepts you, you're officially in. It's a long process, but I have faith that it will most definitely be worth it.
   Next post I'll go into the semester so far, and schoolwork in general.